[00:02.51]Ho Ho Ho Ho![00:13.87]There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree[00:17.25]Gussied up candy canes and balls[00:21.63]Those carolers have kept me up for hours[00:25.47]It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls[00:29.32]Now I'm no wiccan commie or nothing[00:33.12]But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand[00:36.88]It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools[00:40.82]But it'll surely make a fool out of every man[00:44.48]HA[00:45.70]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas[00:49.00][00:45.70]You know where to stick those jingle bells[00:52.92]If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah[00:56.24]And all you mother****ers go to hell[01:00.60]If I ain't cockeyed then it Kwanzaa[01:04.30]Joy to the world and jack and coke[01:07.79]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas[01:11.84]Cause I never anything but broke[01:17.71]Now every year the malls are just a madhouse[01:21.21]Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles[01:25.40]Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit[01:28.81]And those colored lights are ****ing infantile[01:32.62]I think we collectively as the people[01:36.57]Should rise against this corporate jolly noise[01:40.35]And tell the world:[01:42.30]"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"[01:44.11]Before we spend it all on ****ing toys.[01:47.51]HA[01:49.60]So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas[01:51.88]You know where to stick those jingle bells[01:55.82]If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah[01:59.53]Fa la la la la go **** yourself![02:03.93]If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa[02:07.52]Joy to the world of getting stoned[02:11.50]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas[02:14.97]So leave this god damn scrooge the **** alone.[02:18.10]HA